Jo had fought cursed foam, navigated vampire boardrooms, and once banished a demonic espresso stain with nothing but a mop and a glare, but nothing, absolutely nothing prepared her for a date with someone shockingly normal.
Frank wore loafers, liked spreadsheets, and once described coffee as “a nice brown water hug”, and worst of all he smiled all the time.
Clorvex whispered, “He’s either an accountant or a sleeper agent for decaf.”
“He doesn’t blink enough,” Matteo muttered.
Even Mira’s tea leaves spelled out, in very judgmental swirls, “NO”.
Stubborn and coffee deep in burnout, Jo said, “Maybe normal is good. Maybe I need calm. He composts. That’s nice, right?”
Frank planned their first date at a wine bar that didn’t allow music for ambiance control and ordered a flight of still waters that were organized by mineral content.
Jo spent most of the night nodding while internally screaming.
The second date was even worse. It was a silent yoga class where Frank wore matching pastel workout gear and commented afterward, “You breathe very evenly. That’s attractive.”
Back at Harmony Café, Matteo said, “You look like you’ve seen the ghost of a tax return.”
Jo dropped her head on the counter. “He said my aura is safe.”
Watching Frank approach the counter with a smile, Clorvex patted her shoulder. “You need rescuing Jo.”
As if summoned by mere words, the vampire that referred to Jo as “my daylight danger” appeared. He was tall, brooding, and mysterious. He strolled by Frank as he was attempting to explain why chia seeds were sensually underrated. Locking eyes on Jo, he said, “I sensed an aura emergency.”
Jo stood. “Yes. I’m being haunted by beige dating.”
“I don’t follow,” Frank said.
“No,” Jo replied. “You really don’t.”
The vampire slowly nodded. “Shall we go somewhere strange and unsettling?”
Exhaling, Jo grinned and grabbed her coat. “Please.”
As they exited, Clorvex scribbled “Jo, Recovered from Beige Dating” on the specials board.
Matteo added, “Frank may return. Probably during tax season.”
The Queen of the Hollow Moon, sipping tea in the corner, nodded. “She deserves danger and decent cheekbones.”