Sev had been undead for several centuries. He had danced in Venetian masquerades, debated Descartes in a candlelit tavern, and once briefly dated a duchess who turned out to be a banshee.

None of that prepared him for online reviews.

“‘Atmosphere is cute, but the espresso is offensively mortal,’” Sev read aloud. Blinking at Matteo over a cup of single origin pour over. “Offensively? Mortal?”

“That review came from Fangqueen666,” Jo said, tapping her phone. “She’s a vampire influencer. Somehow she already has a merch line.”

“She has stickers that say ‘suck me gently,’” Mira added, holding up her phone.

Matteo groaned and thumped his head against the espresso machine. “My espresso is infernally roasted. Infernally. I literally summon heat from the eighth layer of…”

“She also said your latte art looks like a butt,” Jo interrupted with a sip of her iced coffee.

All across town the influx of vampires continued. Harmony Café now hosted an informal Undead Happy Hour between sunset and sunrise, which meant Jo’s shifts had extended into the 3 am range. Mira had started brewing a garlic-ginger immunity blend for non vampires and Matteo was trying, and failing, to brand something called True Blood Orange Cold Brew.

Things escalated when a group of fledgling vamps tried to host a Bite Night Rave in the cemetery’s gazebo. The town’s Neighborhood Aesthetic Committee, already traumatized from a demon glitter incident, filed seven complaints and one deeply confused abstract painting in protest.

Meanwhile, Sev, trying his best to be a responsible undead citizen, attempted to run a sensitivity seminar titled Not All Vampires Sparkle. Only three vamps showed up and Clorvex, who insisted he was there for the vibes.

“Jo,” Matteo whispered late one night, as the café windows rattled from vampire bass boosted dubstep, “do you think we’re the weird ones now?”

Jo looked up from restocking the creamer. A vampire was curled in the corner reading a graphic novel and softly weeping to lo-fi beats.

“No,” she said as she grabbed her mop. “We were always the weird ones.”